Life as a whole is good. You’re in good health. You have a great job. The bills are getting paid. You have supportive friends and family. You’ve crossed off most of the items on your bucket list … but there’s an important one that’s still missing … and not having it is interfering with your plans. You’re single and you want a mate to share your life with. Are you putting your life on hold while you’re searching for Mr. or Ms. Right?
I see many single clients who are in their 30s and 40s who have established professional careers and are financially stable but who are delaying certain decisions, missing windows of opportunities, shying away from certain activities because they don’t have a partner to share them with.
Whether you’re divorced and faced with recovering from relationship failures and how you should start your life over or you’re single and struggling with the difficulties of dating and how to go about meeting a prospective mate, you may be overly cautious or fearful. So you are hesitant to make certain financial decisions. You’re renting instead of buying a home. You’re avoiding travel. You’re reluctant to participate in activities you enjoy or even spend time with friends for fear you might miss an opportunity to find your soul mate.
In your search for a partner, are you digging a hole and practically buried yourself in it? Are you frustrated, thinking by now they should have your own home, be married like all your friends, have kids, be planning for your future, enjoying a life that seems to be passing you by?
Why Are You Doing This?
Why are you doing this to yourself? Really, ask yourself. Why are you putting up roadblocks, setting narrow parameters while you’re waiting for a relationship to come along?
· Are you waiting for external circumstances to be perfect, everything in place before you feel you’re ready?
· Do you lack the confidence to make decisions and plans without a partner?
· Do you feel your happiness is contingent upon another person?
· Do you feel you’re being self-indulgent by enjoying yourself without a partner?
· Do you have old-school attitudes about being single? Like the proverbial “old maid, do you feel it’s not your place to do the things that couples are supposed to do? Be careful. If you take on that persona, you’ll become that old maid; You’ll get what you “put out there.”
· Are you waiting for a certain someone to make a move, get serious, or “pop the question?”
· Do you feel a sense of self-righteousness, projecting a martyr image whereby you sacrifice your life for a partner that may not show up until you no longer can do some of the things you wanted to do?
· Are you looking at your life unrealistically? Are you talking yourself into not making certain moves because you are denying you are putting them off?
· Do you think that everything you put off now can be recouped later? Sure, women can freeze their eggs (I have some clients who are doing this) for when the right time comes, but not all plans can be so neatly deferred. Ever hear that saying, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans?”
Live Your Life for Yourself First
Don’t live a life of regret. Don’t give up your life waiting for someone else to fill it up for you. Don’t get stuck living for the future; we don’t know what the future holds. Do what you want and love to do now. Life is precious … every moment of it. Value your life. In the long run, you’ll be happier fulfilling your dreams and goals rather than sacrificing them for someone else.