I Think I’m Involved with a Narcissist!


You can’t put your finger on what it is about your lover that disarms you. He keeps you at an emotional distance and it sets you off balance. You feel inadequate. He’s not giving you the attention and concern you expect in a mate. When you try to talk about it with him, he dismisses it like you’re imagining things or he turns the discussion around so that the focus is on him and his needs. A creeping feeling of isolation, frustration, and depression are emerging. You feel so alone and confused and he could care less. Could the person you’re involved with be a narcissist?

All of us can display some characteristics of narcissism. A true-blue narcissist will show most of them. Acknowledge that your feelings are real and not your imagination running wild. Your feelings give you important clues. Being in love with a narcissist practically assures you’re in a dysfunctional relationship. Staying with a narcissist and being unaware of their condition can be emotionally damaging.


Narcissist Red Flags

If you recognize most of these traits and behaviors in your mate, he’s probably a narcissist:

He’s arrogant, self-absorbed, sees himself as a hero, and has an inflated sense of self. He’s preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, wisdom, and beauty.

 He’s emotionally abusive: judgmental, critical, blames and ridicules you. But he’s very sensitive to these when you give him a dose of his own medicine.

  • He’s a control freak.
  •  He is easily upset if he feels threatened.
  • He throws a tantrum if you disagree with his views. He feels he’s never wrong.
  •  You can’t get a word in edgewise in conversations.
  • He has trouble empathizing. He is inconsiderate and ignores your hurt feelings.
  •  He disregards your physical space and shows a lack of respect for both you, the people around you, and your possessions.
  • He doesn’t seem to have deep emotional feelings towards you or anyone.
  •  He doesn’t seem interested in your needs or is willing to help you unless there’s something in it for him. He won’t do anything for you that he doesn’t enjoy doing, wasn’t his idea, or doesn’t benefit from it in some way. 
  • His generosity comes with strings attached. For example, if he buys you a gift, it’s to satisfy his self-serving needs or to manipulate you.
  • He takes advantage of you to achieve his own ends: financial gain, improved status, sexual gratification, to make himself look good, to stroke his fragile ego.
  • He feels he’s special, feels a sense of entitlement. The world revolves around him. He believes rules don’t apply to him and he enjoys breaking them.
  • ·He’s engaging as long as he’s getting what he wants and is getting attention.
  • He can be charming and giving when trying to win you over.
  • He is oblivious that he has a personality disorder.


What’s Next?

  •  Stop blaming yourself for a failed relationship. Don’t let your mate run you down, your self-esteem and your dignity by making you feel it’s your fault.
  • Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to people you can trust so you have support, whether you plan on staying in the relationship or leaving.
  • ·Don’t expect him to change. You deserve to be happy, loved, and treated with respect. Ask yourself this question: “Why do you stay?”