Loving a Drama Queen


Are you drawn to high drama? Do you blow things out of proportion? Do you make a big deal out of small things to center the attention on yourself – sometimes in totally inappropriate ways? Do you find ways to extrapolate from inconsequential to major incidents in order to gain sympathy? Do other’s actions not measure up to your standards and you make no bones about calling attention to them? If so, you might be a “Drama Queen!”

Drama Queens are easily critical of others’ behavior … a thoughtless remark directed at you or someone else … a meal served to you at a restaurant … what someone is wearing. They thrive on gossip. Can you carry on an extended loving relationship with a Drama Queen without going stark-raving mad? Can you expect your mate to accept you like that?


Help! I’m in Love with a Drama Queen!

If you’re a card-carrying Drama Queen and in a relationship, woe to you and your mate. You’re both in for a rough ride … until you find your way out of your attitude.

Don’t freak out. All is not lost. You can change. Acknowledging first that you are being overly dramatic, and then WHY you’re acting out in dramatic ways is the path out of Drama Queen land. You and your mate can survive this!

So, let’s examine some of the ways you exhibit your Drama Queen behavior.

You had a bad day. As a Drama Queen, this could mean your mate didn’t kiss you and say “I love you” this morning. You grabbed the wrong lunch bag in the company fridge. Your coworker commented on your new hairstyle and you interpreted it as an insult. You forgot your cell phone at the office. When you got home, there was a pile of dishes in the sink.


Living With and Loving a Drama Queen

If you don’t consider yourself a member of the Drama Queen club, you’ve certainly seen Drama Queens in action. It looks something like this: Your mate comes home and before he wipes the street dirt off his shoes, he’s going to hear about it, right? The Drama Queen is going to light into him like nobody’s business with all the injustices or high drama of the day.

Nobody, much less your sweetie, wants to walk into that scene after a day at the office – or anytime, for that matter. Instead of being the loving, kind person you normally are … the person your mate fell in love with … the Drama Queen is a raving, screeching shrew with an ax to grind.

Not everyone enjoys making mountains out of molehills. No one wants to be on that receiving end, especially if the receiving party is considered the “guilty party.”

Your mate may have the patience and understanding of a saint, but sooner or later, they’re going to reach a breaking point if you don’t mend your ways. Relationships have broken up because of the friction created between Drama Queens and their mates.


Why Am I Like This?

For some inexplicable reason, you are energized by the high drama you created, like an adrenaline rush. This is not productive behavior – not for you or for the people around you that you love. Maybe this behavior developed slowly, over time. Maybe you enjoyed the attention you got when you were acting like a Drama Queen, attention you may not have received growing up with two busy parents who didn’t have the time or the desire to steer you into more appropriate behaviors. Maybe you’re going through a rough patch, a lot of stress, and this is your mind’s way of releasing steam?


Breaking the Drama Queen Spell

·         Not everything is about you.

·         Stop taking things so personally.

·         Maintain a sense of proportion. Is it that big a deal?

·         Think before you react. Give it an hour or a day or so before you say something you wished later you hadn’t.

·         Take up meditation, yoga, or other physical/emotional stress releases.

·         Keep a journal. When something happens that pushes your Drama Queen button, write it down. Ask yourself what set it off, how you could have otherwise responded.

·         Make a pact between you and your partner. He keeps you accountable when you act out this way and you let him.


No one is built this way. It developed over time. You’re not a defect. Hone up to your behavior problem. Be courageous. If you can’t break the Drama Queen cycle on your own, help is out there. Your loved one or a close friend or relative can help you reel in the rage by calling you out when it happens. A therapist can help with identifying behaviors and offer strategies. But you must sincerely want to change. Let your sweetie experience the sweet, kind, gentle, loving you that you are. Work on dropping the Drama Queen act.