Are you jumping into a new relationship to dull the pain of a recent breakup? Are you in need of a distraction from a broken heart or a relationship that just wasn’t working? It’s so comfortable to soothe yourself with a new lover, get your ego stroked, and boost yourself with a dose of fresh romance … before you’ve had a chance to process, accept, and get past the loss of your previous beau. Is the reason behind your rebound relationship fear – more specifically, fear of loneliness?
Why the Wait Is So Important
Is it wise to jump immediately from the emotional frying pan into the fire again? A period of waiting time could be the best opportunity to get to know yourself. By giving it some time, you should have a clearer picture of who you are. And when you allow yourself to examine what you could have done differently and what you truly want out of a relationship, that next relationship may be the one for keeps. Time and reflection will help you determine the kind of partner that best suits you.
The Perks of Getting to Know Yourself
The positive result of giving yourself time without a partner is better understanding yourself:
- Learning to be comfortable without someone else around.
- Learning how not to feel lonely, sad or depressed just because a man/woman isn’t in your life to fill a perceived void.
- Embracing a period of being unattached. With only you to focus on, you’ll have more time to indulge in healthy, relaxing, contemplative activities like massages, long baths, watching your favorite movies or TV shows, or journaling about your day and your emotions.
- It’s all about you during this period. You’re not being narcissistic; you’re getting to know yourself, your likes and dislikes, without the distraction of someone else – temporarily.
Setting Up a Better Next Relationship
It helps to identify and not repeat past mistakes, the missteps that might have led to the breakup. Did you have unrealistic expectations? Did he/she? Were you expecting your sweetie to fulfill all your needs? Was there an imbalance in the give and take? Were you mostly giving and him/her taking or vice versa?
Own-up to how you might have contributed to the failure of the last relationship. Don’t beat yourself over the head. As objectively as you can, analyze the failure. Did you contribute to it in any way? Was it a combination of both of you?
Signs You May Not Be Ready
How do you know when you’re ready for a new relationship? If your answer is yes to these, it could be too soon:
- Is there a sense of urgency to find a new partner?
- Are you trying too quickly to make up for lost time?
- Are you regularly dwelling on fond memories or thinking about your ex constantly?
- Can you be honest with yourself and your new sweetie about your true motives for a relationship?
- Have you allowed yourself to heal from the pain? A broken heart? Infidelity? Lost trust? Emotional or physical abuse?
- Are you comfortable with yourself? If so, there’s less chance you’ll expect your new love to unrealistically fulfill all your needs.
- Are you searching for someone new to make up for what was lacking or wrong in your previous relationship? On the surface, that’s a good thing. But if you are focusing intently on how different your new beau is from your previous one, you might not recognize the downside of those differences or the warning signs.
You may be exchanging one set of problems for another, cruising for more heartbreak.
Explorating Leads to Better Relationships
Have answers to these questions. You’ll surely come up with more when you allow your mind to explore your feelings. The more you question and get to know yourself, the better your chances of understanding and committing to your new partner and vice versa.