don't be so serious

How “Going with the Flow” Creates Smooth Sailing in Your Relationship


Life is messy. Relationships are messy. Learning how to roll with the punches will help you keep your sanity, not overact, and blow off an offhand remark here and there. Instead of being offended and turning what sounds like an offensive remark into a drama, sometimes the situation calls for taking a step back. It can give you some perspective. So lighten up!

Let’s say your mate blurts out something that isn’t so nice. Your first impulse might be to act offended and maybe you toss back some choice words of your own. When you’re the target of an “oops moment” another option is to ignore it. And sometimes the best response of all is to laugh it off.

When you don’t take yourself and your relationship so seriously all the time, you’re actually strengthening the bonds between you. When you “shake it off,” the unspoken message you’re sending back to your sweetie is that the relationship between you is strong … that a negative act or remark from time to time can’t destroy your love and overall happiness with your mate. It also says that you understand that what was said was not meant to deliberately hurt you.

Learn to Trust

If you immediately getting offended over something he or someone else said, ask yourself “Is this really a threat to the relationship?” Am I going to let this affect my happiness, peace of mind, loving feelings about my mate? Can the relationship withstand the test of these remarks? Were they made with hurtful intent? Even if they were, can you forgive and ignore a passing remark said in haste or backed by good intentions?

When you roll with the punches your mate will feel trusted and loved knowing communication between the two of you or external events cannot break you apart or destroy the joy you experience being a part of each other’s world.


YOU Own Your Feelings

No one has the power to MAKE you feel a certain way. Only YOU control your emotions. If your mate says something that upsets you, sometimes the best thing to do is volley back with a joke, laugh, or say something neutral that diverts the attention away from the situation. Maybe he needs a little levity too and your response is just what the doctor ordered.


Self-Defeating Prophesy

Have you ever considered the power of the mind to affect future events? If you keep thinking about or worrying that something bad will happen, that bad thing often does just that. It shows up! It’s the inverse of thinking positively about something, wishing for something good to happen. And then it does!

I call it the “self-defeating prophesy.” When you hold a strong belief in something that isn’t true about your mate, your reaction can influence how your mate reacts, setting up a chain reaction of emotions and behaviors that confirm your expectations. You actually had a hand in turning those dreaded expectations into reality.


Outside Influences

How about when life throws you and your mate a curve ball? Something unexpected happens that’s out of your control and that of your sweetie’s? Are you going to turn it into a drama, be outraged, or are you going to show him you are able to laugh in the face of adversity?

Being able to turn off being “turned off,” to not “suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” makes you feel better and it demonstrates to your sweetie that your relationship is built on a strong foundation that cannot be disturbed by outside events. External events don’t have the power to affect your happiness; only you can give it that power.


Rose-Colored Attitude

Promise yourself that you won’t let events take control of your happiness and the happiness you share with your mate. Go with the flow. Don’t take the bait. Instead, put on your pink-tinted lenses and view the world through rose-colored glasses as often as possible.