new relationship

Rebound Relationships: Why the Rush to Jump?

947690386

Are you jumping into a new relationship to dull the pain of a recent breakup? Are you in need of a distraction from a broken heart or a relationship that just wasn’t working? It’s so comfortable to soothe yourself with a new lover, get your ego stroked, and boost yourself with a dose of fresh romance … before you’ve had a chance to process, accept, and get past the loss of your previous beau. Is the reason behind your rebound relationship fear – more specifically, fear of loneliness?

Why the Wait Is So Important

Is it wise to jump immediately from the emotional frying pan into the fire again? A period of waiting time could be the best opportunity to get to know yourself. By giving it some time, you should have a clearer picture of who you are. And when you allow yourself to examine what you could have done differently and what you truly want out of a relationship, that next relationship may be the one for keeps. Time and reflection will help you determine the kind of partner that best suits you.

The Perks of Getting to Know Yourself

The positive result of giving yourself time without a partner is better understanding yourself:

  •  Learning to be comfortable without someone else around.
  •  Learning how not to feel lonely, sad or depressed just because a man/woman isn’t in your life to fill a perceived void.
  • Embracing a period of being unattached. With only you to focus on, you’ll have more time to indulge in healthy, relaxing, contemplative activities like massages, long baths, watching your favorite movies or TV shows, or journaling about your day and your emotions.
  • It’s all about you during this period. You’re not being narcissistic; you’re getting to know yourself, your likes and dislikes, without the distraction of someone else – temporarily.

 

Setting Up a Better Next Relationship

It helps to identify and not repeat past mistakes, the missteps that might have led to the breakup. Did you have unrealistic expectations? Did he/she? Were you expecting your sweetie to fulfill all your needs? Was there an imbalance in the give and take? Were you mostly giving and him/her taking or vice versa?

Own-up to how you might have contributed to the failure of the last relationship. Don’t beat yourself over the head. As objectively as you can, analyze the failure. Did you contribute to it in any way? Was it a combination of both of you?

 

Signs You May Not Be Ready

How do you know when you’re ready for a new relationship? If your answer is yes to these, it could be too soon:

  • Is there a sense of urgency to find a new partner?
  • Are you trying too quickly to make up for lost time?
  • Are you regularly dwelling on fond memories or thinking about your ex constantly?
  • Can you be honest with yourself and your new sweetie about your true motives for a relationship?
  • Have you allowed yourself to heal from the pain? A broken heart? Infidelity? Lost trust? Emotional or physical abuse?
  • Are you comfortable with yourself? If so, there’s less chance you’ll expect your new love to unrealistically fulfill all your needs.
  • Are you searching for someone new to make up for what was lacking or wrong in your previous relationship? On the surface, that’s a good thing. But if you are focusing intently on how different your new beau is from your previous one, you might not recognize the downside of those differences or the warning signs.

You may be exchanging one set of problems for another, cruising for more heartbreak.

 

Explorating Leads to Better Relationships

Have answers to these questions. You’ll surely come up with more when you allow your mind to explore your feelings. The more you question and get to know yourself, the better your chances of understanding and committing to your new partner and vice versa.

Is the Holiday a Tug of War Between Family and Your New Relationship?

610424062

You’re greedy … yeah, admit it. You want your new sweetie all to yourself. It’s the first holiday season you’re spending together. To make it special, you have all kinds of ideas on how to inaugurate the occasion: candlelight dinners with just the two of you, attending music concerts, booking a getaway at a B & B. But family obligations and traditions are tearing those ideas to shreds. It’s not just HIS family; it’s YOURS too.

Holidays and family occasions go hand in hand. Some family members have strong feelings about how they should be spent: together. But sometimes you feel like his mother or your father, or one of the siblings are deliberately trying to keep the two of you apart. Is it a sign they don’t like your new mate?

If you go ahead and make your separate plans and then announce it to the family, sometimes feelings get hurt. Will they hold it against you? Or, turning the table, will their reaction affect your feelings for them? On the other hand, if you give in and do it their way, will you resent it? What if you want it one way and your partner wants a different way? Then you may resent their actions too.

What should you do?

·  Make your feelings known to your new sweetie early in the relationship. Know where you both stand regarding holidays and family.

·  Test the waters. Bring up the subject early-on with both sides of the family, before you make any plans, and see what reaction you get. Then, at least you have time to figure out a plan of action.

·  Support one another in whatever decision is made and whatever erupts. Cooperation strengthens a relationship.

·  Let any bad feelings on your part dissolve and show the family you care and understand, no matter what they do or say.

Are Thanksgiving Plans Turning Your New Relationship into a Battlefield?

517397101

Making plans for family holidays like Thanksgiving can sometimes set off arguments or hurt feelings for new couples. Family issues, ingrained traditions and being unfamiliar with your mate’s habits, feelings and expectations can sour the occasion and create a rift in the relationship or with the families if you’re both not careful.

Dinner at your family’s house or theirs? Dreading long-distance travel in winter weather? Will my mate’s family accept me as the new spouse? Will my children resent my new beau so soon after their father died and act out at the dinner table? As a vegan, how do I avoid offending her mother if I pass on the turkey? How do I tell my fiancé I’d like to start a new Thanksgiving tradition and have dinner at home without offending her?

Holiday Planning for Couples

  • Discuss in advance how you each feel about celebrating the holiday. Talk about what’s important to each of you, the traditions or activities you and your families enjoy most.
  • Try not to turn the decision into a tug of war. Be flexible, compromise, but neither of you should always be the one to accommodate the other.
  • Don’t make a decision just to avoid conflict and secretly regret it. It can grow into resentment.
  • Once a decision is made, anticipate potential problems and how to avoid or handle them together.