Ways You and Your Valentine Can Turn up the Sexual Heat


You’ve been in a relationship a while. You and your mate are happy with one another. You love and respect one another. You thoroughly enjoy being in each other’s company. Your emotional needs are being satisfied, but that excitement you used to feel when you were under the sheets isn’t like it was when you first met.

What happened to the nightly hot sex, the hours of lovemaking, the flames of desire you thought would never end? You miss the piercing of Cupid’s arrow and want to feel helplessly, madly in sexual bliss again.


Be Emotionally and Physically Ready

Think about sex. Take time out during the day for sexual daydreams. Just thinking about it can make you desire it more. You’re priming the pump. Your mate doesn’t even have to be there with you, say on a business trip. In fact, his temporary absence may make those feelings stronger, in anticipation of his return.

Have sex more often. The libido is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the better it functions. Researchers say that the more sex you have, the more you feel like having it.

Be physically fit. Before you met your sweetie, you were motivated to keep extra weight off. You watched what you ate, got exercise, took special care of your personal appearance. Appearance can take a back seat as time passes, as you settle down into a steady relationship or marriage. Take an interest in looking good – for yourself and him.

Dress for the part. Stiletto heels, a revealing top, a short skirt. When you dress for sex you feel sexy. Your mate will take notice.  Then the magic happens.

Spontaneity. Having sex may have become a routine. Routines are boring. Sometimes lovemaking takes some planning, but sometimes the right moment comes along when you least expect it. Take advantage of those moments.

The element of surprise. Greet him at the door wearing something that will shock and excite him – or be in bed when he arrives. Do something that is uncharacteristic of you. Not only will you be escalating your passion scale, he will be elatedly surprised. His carnal desire and yours can go from subsonic into hypervelocity on the mach scale.  

Technology is your sexual friend. Whet your lust appetite and his with some hot texting  (sexting) throughout the day. Send suggestive selfies to him before he gets home from work. Have an erotic FaceTime session when you are apart. He’ll be beating a path to the front door and you’ll be ready for him.


Set the mood

Do the sexual equivalent of a spring cleaning. Change the environment, go on a special outing to shake out the cobwebs. Plan occasional day or weekend getaways. Go to places that hold fond memories for both of you. Book a couples massage, soak in a hotel hot tub.  If your schedules are hectic, plan to meet at home during the workday, or in a secluded outdoor spot for some afternoon delight.

Eliminate distractions. Booking a hotel, B&B, or a resort is a distraction eliminator. You can focus on one another and not have to worry about housekeeping, letting the dog out for a walk, cleaning up messes, concerns that the kids will walk in on you…

Turn off cell phones. …or put phone calls on silent. All that ringing and dinging are annoying and can destroy the mood you’ve carefully created;  so can interruptions like a blaring TV or radio, loud advertisements, barking dogs …

Clothing. Wear your sexiest underclothes … shop for some new lingerie, creative accessories. Get him a special outfit or article of clothing that turns you on.

Sexual toys. Sex toys have gotten incredibly sophisticated.  Try out different ones that look interesting. Discuss ideas together – that’s a turn-on in itself. That also prevents you from spending money on something that your mate doesn’t like. But don’t be afraid to try new things. Encourage him to explore new devices, without insisting or undue pressure. You needn’t feel uncomfortable ordering them. Online shopping takes the awkwardness out of picking out items for sexual play. They’re delivered directly to your door in a plain box. Nobody has to know what’s inside.

Sexy scents. Smell is a powerful aphrodisiac. Is there a particular scent that arouses him? Apply one that he is attracted to or maybe one he associates with you. Musky, woody, something with a tropical overtone? Light scented candles. Add drops of a sensual essential oil to a diffuser. Some essential oils contain pheromones … natural chemicals that excite certain areas of brain of the opposite sex.

Mood music.  Have background music. Stream your favorite genres on a web-based music s station for soft, sensual sounds gives you continuous music that’s pleasing, erotic, without have to change the station or change CDs; or download music to an app and set it to loop.


Getting Down to Play

Bedroom attitude. Be loving, considerate, and playful. Forget everything else. Have a bedroom attitude when making love.  Sexual fulfillment is a dance of sharing, give and take, one that should be mutually gratifying. Satisfy one another’s desires. These acts are the glue that binds a relationship.

Pay attention. Do what you know is pleasing to your partner. Rediscover what their turn-ons are. If you’re not sure, ask. Talk about what you like and don’t like. If you don’t like something, don’t hestitate to tell him – just don’t do it in a complaining or critical way. Follow it up by telling him what he does that you adore.

Experiment.  Try new things. Discovery can take your lovemaking to new heights. Explore role-playing, fantasies, different positions. Sometimes just talking about a fantasy is as exciting as carrying one out.

 Be Roadblock-Free

If you’ve tried and tried and the ol’ libido still hasn’t kicked into high gear, other obstructions might be why things aren’t working.  They may be related to sex or not related at all.  If so, get them out in the open. Work at resolving them. You can’t enjoy making love when there are negative emotions or other unfinished business hanging around. Nothing will work to bring out the sexual beast in you if something in the relationship is serious and not addressed. When everything is out in the open, unquenchable desire with your special Valentine is attainable … for you both to enjoy indefinitely.